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The first hasn’t really been addressed, and it’s the wording Thank you for being a friend Golden Girls shirt of the first line: “In this place life and death’s line is very thin.”I’m not sure if there was a creative reason you had for doing this, I could imagine it being so, but otherwise it just sounds awkward. A better line in my opinion would be “Here the line between life and death is very thin.” It sounds a bit smoother and flows better to the ears.The second part, though, “This game you cannot win as winning will mean you made a sin.” There are a few things here, and pardon my tearing it aparRepeating the word “win” makes the song sound weird, repetition is something that should only be done in an meaningful (Or simply intentional) way, because it just doesn’t sound right to the ears otherwise.
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Again, this is merely my opinion based on a long time taking Thank you for being a friend Golden Girls shirt English classes (Both core and extracurricular), but there’s also a rather small gripe of mine when you say “Made a sin,” just because people don’t technically make sin, they do it (or, as a more poetic sidekick to a poetic word, commit). My personal suggestion for this line would be “This game you cannot win because it means committing sin.” But maybe the amount of syllables playing in my head doesn’t match the number you were going for. “This game you cannot win because it would mean committing sin” may fit better if this is the case.