Spontaneous fun is also something I’m proud of. While their lives are structured and predictable generally in the Don’t california my Texas shirt in contrast I will get this early years, every now and then breaking the routine and impulsively doing something very fun and special is great for the whole family. We recently started having spontaneous dance parties in our house before bedtime where we blast music and everyone dances around the house. Or even just spontaneously deciding to have a pizza and movie night and let the kids stay up later than usual makes things fun. People certainly aren’t having kids for actively moral reasons. But is it immoral? On some levels, yes, if it’s simply done for the sake of the parents with no regard for the actual gravity of what they’re doing. In fact, that seems never to be discussed either – actually creating sentient life is, basically, playing God. You decide that some people are gonna exist. You can affect their quality of life but ultimately you can’t control it. My parents weren’t expecting me 25 years ago, I know that much. Also, most families have both parents working this is especially true for large families. In their downtime, the parents have to do bills, cleaning, cooking, etc. That does not leave a lot of time to connect with their children, and many children fall to the wayside and feel neglected. This is especially true for less troublesome children. The louder kids get more attention while the quiet, well-behaved ones are overlooked because they don’t require as much monitoring. After working and cooking and cleaning all day, every day for years on end, people get a little tired. They are stressed out and cranky and, more often than not, the parents will take this out on their children. This is usually unintentional, but people are a lot less patient when they are overworked and their tempers are a lot shorter. Children, obviously, require a lot of patience, so this is not a good combination. Less-than-stellar parents may even come to resent their children for making them have to work so hard, which is even worse for the children to have to deal with. In very large families, it is common for the older kids to take care of the younger ones. I know a lot of people who actually list this as a benefit of having a large family. They think it is good because it teaches responsibility at a young age.
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It is not fair to keep on popping out children with the Don’t california my Texas shirt in contrast I will get this expectation that the older ones will help out. They were not involved in the decision-making process to have another child whatsoever, so they shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of that decision. Children should be able to BE children when they are young. They shouldn’t have to take on adult responsibilities like child-rearing unless they make that decision themselves one day. The effects of delegating child-rearing to the older kids are nearly always negative, in my experience. Many of the people I meet who came from large families want absolutely nothing to do with children once they are adults because they spent their entire childhoods taking care of a gaggle of other siblings. Having children is the greatest source of joy and fulfillment for most people (although, admittedly, not for everyone). It is unfortunate that many people from large families are robbed of the decision of having their own children because they are so sick of taking care of someone else’s their entire lives. Of course, a child from any family could grow up to not want children, and that is completely fine. However, that decision should not be the result of negative childhood memories created by inconsiderate parents. Overall, I think that most people that have or plan to have an excessive amount of children are either ignorant or misinformed about the effects that having a large family will have on each individual child. Or they are selfish and only consider themselves when they have additional children, instead of also considering the lives that they have already brought into this world. It’s important to teach children manners because you like to take them along, and you cannot take rowdies into certain settings. While I gave high importance to teaching manners and etiquette, I also let them know how to start a good food fight. That’s a lot for kids, but they had years to master it. I didn’t find I needed to spend much time on the behavior involved–took care of itself apart from safety and some advice on formal behavior; those took some drilling. It was the cues that were the key, and that’s really what you want to convey to your kids anyway how to act appropriately for the setting and what is going on around them.